I always ask myself, where did it all start? This constant ache that we all feel when we are out of love and the missing part we all realize when we are in a relationship.
I ask this cause I'm in a relationship a while back I could not ask for more but" lost it too, now I'm all alone. I begin to wonder" was there a real reason why I lost that relationship???
I was eighteen years old the I touched another man's dick in a manner that could not be called "innocent". I'd known since about this age that I was different and accepted that I was different. There was this confusion, which was funny because some of my
intimates seem to know it while others doesn't seem to realize at all" Damning only was that every once in a while, rowdy kids of say five or six would call me out as "fag" which then I still found amusing. It was this age that I became curious of the other side of things. This started with dreams I having sex with a really cute classmate of mine, which was in full detail" us, in a cemetery. I always was wondering about that why a cemetery. But there it was. Must be because it was so quiet and empty there" or it was my mind being logical" we had a "crypt" or mausoleum that we all had keys" So that was it as no one would be there and there was privacy" I didn't like to think of a motel or room for rent then as budget was tight" even my gf the had to settle at her boarding house one Sunday morning" Like I said though, mixed thoughts about me" I was once accidentally caught with my pants down with a female friend at home that really closed the book for the house but still there were the little kids" And though to this day I have not really come out to my family that I am gay" (Even I am not that real sure for myself, that's why I really believe that I'm bisexual) I'm sure that my sexual preferences what ever they may be is of little consequence to them already, I'm sure have already made up their minds and have simply accepted me for who I am.
A cousin" of sort though knows first hand...
We were not so rich growing up and at one point our family of five had to split up. Two went to Manila for college and another to another city for her Masteral's degree. I was left with my younger brother and another "distant cousin who was a bit of a trouble in Manila that he was shipped out to stay with us and finish high school" he was third year. I was in my second year college. My younger brother wasn't so thrilled with my cousin and traded chores with me for my cousin to stay in my room. That was, I think feeding the dogs lunchtime and wiping the table lunchtime too. Funny how these things are so important when we were younger... Who cleans the table after dinner, Who feeds the dogs, and coming from a big family " everything was designated even who locks the door of the back of the house. So I shared with my cousin Mac my big bed. It was the bed my sisters used when they were around. You can imagine the cramped living conditions, but I certainly didn't mind, especially the sleeping arrangements. Anyways, this cousin was always around in the summers so it would probably be fun.
It was long ago noticed that this branch of the family cousins of mine were definitely among the better of our group.. Their mom was half Spanish and they all had light brown eyes. We were all tall so add that to the list of "lucky genes". Mac was not lanky like us when we were teenage boys. He had built already he stood five feet nine inches to my five feet ten inches. And I was in college already.. He had that strong muscular look and really fair. He had hair on his legs and would be more when he grew up I'm sure" He wasn't a part of any of my fantasies then and though I was toying with the idea of finding out "sex with another man... ... it wasn't him. It was a classmate of mine" but I couldn't help not think about his masculinity not that his bulges were really bulges for his age"To me, he had a maturity and exceptional manliness about him that had always impressed me. And though he wasn't a part of my fantasies in my jack off sessions, he was a reason why I was getting hornier and hornier everyday. (He was there about three days when I realized that we had to bond somewhere down the road" I wasn't getting any (jerking off) because my favorite place to jack off was my room.)
Prior to the one fateful evening, I had only had one sexual 'encounter' with him. That is, if you can count entering the room and seeing him, jerking off. Oh he didn't stop just went on till he was done which made me realize that I was being a prude shying away.
He was in his towels then and naked and was thrusting his thing up and down while his used clothes were on the side, for wiping I guess. And I didn't even see much! I couldn't really stare. Plus it was an afternoon.
I felt all flushed seeing that.. I don't know, maybe it was lusting maybe it was the heat but" I did jerk off that night thinking about him and him beside me.. no shyness this time and it was so good.
Next night same time I think, that I would usually jerk off, and as it is, I was feeling the hots again" I couldn't sleep" He was asleep I think and he was lying on his side back towards me. We were in shorts then"
I could see his butt through the moonlight that was entering the room and I really wanted to touch it. Would he know if I did? Would he wake up if I but merely brush against it" as I was holding my thing" with raging hard on and gently thrusting up and down. Perfect way of beating (hehehe) But I stopped then. I felt his heat was just right for this. I could smell him, it was I think safeguard (a brand of soap). The green kind, which we use. Ah, he smelled so good"
I was getting bolder and bolder every second.. I wonder if my body were to be so slightly pressed to him would he feel it". I lied on my side and gently aligned my body to his". Gently, gently" trying to press my throbbing thing to his" butt,
I was so aroused, that the mere slight pressure that I almost lost it then. He moved, positioned himself flat, his hand on my stomach now. I was so near him then that we he moved. Our legs, our thighs were all touching" I could feel the heat and his smell I could almost taste ah. But I couldn't move... We were also shoulder to shoulder and any slight movement I make will rock him again" so I didn't"
In the dim light cast by the moonlight, I was suddenly awe-struck by Mac's physique. His other arms casually flexed his well-developed biceps; his fine semi-hairy chest and six-pack abs stretched out in full regalia, and his crotch lay unprotected. I studied his crotch for a few minutes. Even in the low light, it was apparent Mac was well endowed. The smooth fabric of the cotton shorts he was wearing made every contour of his penis alluring and extremely inviting.
I suddenly found myself slowly reaching toward that. My heart beating so violently fast I was afraid it would burst. I allowed my hand to hover over his crotch, and moved it around in mid-air as if to caress it. I listened intently to his breathing and, although I have my doubts, decided that he was fast asleep. He is asleep.. I was bolder... to check I checked his pulse and tried comparing with mine" Ah yes. He is asleep
In an instant, I let my hand slowly make contact with his inner legs, simply caressing the fine hair that was there too. Then gently feel the top of his shorts to find that his penis was warm, felt large, evidently partially erect. I simply kept my hand on his crotch, not moving it, while I stared at his face to watch for any reaction. After about 30 seconds, and eliciting no response, up there,, down in my hand I was feeling some thing" it was pulsating too.. I relaxed and relished in the pure pleasure of the simple touch. That, such a simple act would make him so hard like me"
A few minutes later, after mustering enough courage, I began slowly and lightly massaging his erect manhood moving my hand up and down, and around his gradually hardening penis. I was getting extremely aroused by the action and had to reposition my own erect pole in my shorts with my other hand.
I let out an "ahhhh".
My heart skipped when he did "ah" too and faced me. Let out a soft moan and jerked his hands free from the back of his head, letting his arms fall to his side. His right hand ended up right beside my hard thing, touching his lower abs. I immediately took my hand off his crotch, swung my arm to my side, and shut my eyes pretending to be asleep. I dreaded the possibility of him realizing what had been happening, and finding me out. I kept my eyes shut and tried my best to calm myself down. I laid prostrate for a couple of minutes only to be stirred by the hissing sound coming from him, which sounded like a light snore. With that, I reveled in the opportunity to continue my exploitation of my sleeping cousin. At the prospect of actually getting away with it, I decided to pull out all the stops. I hunched over his crotch and gingerly lifted the waistband. I took a peek but the ambient light source did not allow me to see anything substantial. The action did not make him stir, my heart thumping.. I pressed on even more daringly. I gently pulled down on the waistband, pleasantly surprised at the loose fit of his shorts, and successfully managed to expose his now erect penis. In the dim light, I marveled at the plump piece of perfection that lay before me. Several times, his thing twitched as if in response to some invisible titillation. It was throbbing.
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